Minutiae

Welcome to Denver, Colorado. More specifically, welcome to Red Rocks Amphitheater. Anyone familiar with U2's Under a Blood Red Sky or the Dave Matthews Band's Live at Red Rocks should...wait, this all seems very familiar. Ah, yes, we've all been here before, eight eliminations ago. There's far too much recapping to be done, so let's just go ahead and say that Denver was the final pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld. And the first team to arrive here would winamilliondollars. And, because we'd get to see the Danielles again, Eric and Jeremy would beveryhappy. Last week, one team ate insects while the other three prepared meals for sacred monkeys. You can only see this kind of thing on the Race. There were very few bananas to be seen, which means the Race was not bananas...b--a-n-a-n-a-s, which was good, nor was it peanut butter jelly time, which was kind of disappointing. MoJo made a few mistakes here and there, namely boarding a bus upwards of four hours after they possibly could have, and they were booted. Also previously, eleven teams raced from country to country. Some were annoying. Some we didn't get nearly enough time with to decide. Some wound up in the finals with us knowing next to nothing about them besides they get lost often. All but three teams fell victim to merciless Philiminations. It was quite sad, especially because none of those people were Toolbag. There's no Philimination to speak of, so the only question left is...who will win this thing?

( It actually comes down to brains, brawn, and teamwork. Who knew? )

Welcome to Bangkok, Thailand. We worship monkeys here. At least, I'm pretty sure we do. That's what that fruit thing was for, right? Sorry, I see monkeys and I kind of forget what's going on. Monkeys are just so fun to watch. Anyway, Bangkok was the tenth (and for all intents and purposes, final) pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld. Last week, BJ and Tyler were all like "Oh my gosh, you guys, Eric is totally crushing on Monica! I totally have to text this to Deborah right away. We are SO talking about it at recess." The drama continued as BJ and Tyler Yielded MoJo, which didn't make Monica all that happy. Eric and Jeremy, for their part, canceled everyone's taxis including, apparently, their own. The one team who didn't get involved in these childish pranks? Ray and Yolanda. Who finished first? Ray and Yolanda. Wonder if there's some kind of connection there. In a wild footrace to the finish, BJ took the foot part too seriously and, shoeless, climbed over some rocks in an ill-fated attempt at a shortcut, landing him on the mat half a step after Monica. Burn. But, yet again, the hippies were saved by the predictable non-Philimination round. That leaves four teams and two episodes left. Someone's going home...who will it be?

( Monkeys eating food, and monkey boys cutting it for them... )

Welcome to Lake Bennett, Australia. An hour to the south of Darwin, the capital of Australia's Northern Territory, it seems that Lake Bennett would be a good place to visit for anyone who realizes that Australia has more than two cities and ventures past Melbourne or Sydney. Equally notable is the fact that Lake Bennett is the ninth pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld. Last week, your humble recapper was stuck in Media Courthouse, serving Delaware County on jury duty (which I thought was going to be really cool, but wound up consisting of sitting in a room, getting your name drawn, sitting in a courtroom, not getting picked as a juror, and spending the rest of the day in the first room, watching what I think was "One Life to Live" but, after an exhaustive search on IMDB and TV.com, I still can't tell which soap is which. Safe to say that someone was cheating on someone else, and nobody was particularly happy about it.) Where were we? Oh yeah, Fran couldn't navigate an Australian prison quickly enough...apparently she didn't know that salvation lies within...and she and Barry were booted. Somewhere, Meredith and Gretchen cried. But nobody else did. I guess I just miss my friend. Who will be non-Philiminated...by the end of this recap?

( Four people jump from planes, and every parachute opens...what kind of game show is that? More after the cut... )

Welcome to Jabreen, Oman. Nestled comfortably between Saudi Arabia and Iran, which must be all kinds of awkward for visiting Americans, Jabreen is the central irrigation point for a good portion of Oman, and one hell of a beautiful town. But what's that disruption over at Jabreen Castle, where thousands of ladies are lining up for a chance to sleep with Eric and Jeremy (PAN CAMERA to castle...nobody's there)? Seems the locals have found out that Jabreen is the seventh pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld. Last week, Toolbag continued their dominance by winning a Fast Forward they didn't at all need; Ray and Yolanda decided to stop screwing up, already, and ran a brilliant leg that put them in second place...until a penalty put them right behind MoJo; and the Hippies got lost, big time, but not so much as to save the Michelle Ocean, who have no navigation skills either, and the married parents were mercilessly Philiminated, leaving many to wonder if anyone would be spared this season. Will anyone be Philiminated...next?

First to leave the pit stop in Greece are, of course Toolbag. The interview that people are likely sick of being behind them. Take out that "being behind" part and you're almost on track there, boys. The clue tells them to sign up for one of two charter buses to the Athens airport, the first of which leaves at 9 a.m. Seeing as they rip their clue before midnight, I'm guessing they're pretty bummed about that. Ray and Yolanda leave next, and, after finally getting their act together in the last leg, immediately ruin things by bickering. This is what a) sleep deprivation and b) not knowing how to deal with stress in a long distance relationship does to you. Not that I'd know. Yadda, yadda, yadda, everyone gets to the charter bus by nine except for the hippies, who get on the 10 a.m. bus with no problem. En route to the airport, BJ does a dead-on impersonation of Lake, saying that the teams Philiminated thus far are with them in spirit on the trailing bus. Kind of a cute sentiment.

( Camels...bad. Sand...worse. The never-ending trials of BJ after the cut. )

...every now and then I get a little bit tired of seeing Toolbag win.

Welcome to Rio, Greece. If you read the description on the official Race site, you're led to believe that it's like Avalon, except a few millennia old. So maybe it's more like Sea Isle City. I don't know. All I do know is that Rio is neither in Brazil, nor is it that Duran Duran song. What it IS is the sixth pit stop...on a racearoundtheworld. Last week, Toolbag and the Hippies sauntered their way to first and second place, and if you missed the rest of the episode, you wouldn't know the difference between it and any of the rest of this season. Unfortunately for geeks worldwide, Dave and Lori had a minor driving gaffe that put them behind Ray and Yolanda and led to their untimely Philimination. Who will be bumped off the show...next?

First to leave Siracusa are Eric and Jeremy. This would be a perfect time for one of those standard "I think teams underestimate us because..." clips, because I think that would be completely hilarious. This Race has been such a laugher for Toolbag and the Hippies that they're coming up with new names to call Phil at the mat, because there's zero tension. Eric and Jeremy read their clue, which tells them to take a train to Rome, and they rush to the first available...wait, am I seeing this right? Is this the first legitimate Amazing Bunch of the season? It is indeed! The train is so delayed that everyone is scheduled to arrive in Rome at the same time, even last-place Ray and Yolanda, who hadn't seen Toolbag since Moscow, not that that's a bad thing.

( And there goes the right-wing viewership...shameless Dan Brown plugs after the cut )

Welcome to Siracusa, Italy. Home to NBA star Carmelo Anthony, this was the...huh? Oh, Siracusa. Not Syracuse. Sorry, I was stuck in last season. Anyway, this was the fifth pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld. Last week, BJ and Tyler and Eric and Jeremy cruised to first and second-place finishes. The need for perfection in putting together a Puzz-3D ultimately put Danielle and Dani a few minutes behind a storming Ray and Yolanda, and the Pinks were fired. Wait, wrong show again. Damn. Who will be Philiminated...next?

First to leave are the hippies, and if you look at the gap in departure times between them and Toolbag, you realize that maybe it's true that BJ and Tyler's worldliness is a real asset. They say that Toolbag are okay guys, but it's all about winning. Well, at least those cliches aren't floating around as freely this year. Know what I'd love? For the hippies to win the million and go completely corporate. You've become the man, man. Anyway, the clue tells them to make for Catania, Sicily, which the boys mispronounce Catalina. Hell, they're so far ahead of everyone else, they might as well have yachts on the brain. Eric and Jeremy leave two hours after the hippies.

( Fish or Fish? You decide. It's boring either way, after the cut. )

Welcome to Segesta, Italy. Located on the island of Sicily, the football to Italy's stiletto kicking boot, Segesta is packed with more Greek and Roman history than a first semester Western Civ textbook. This secluded city was the fourth pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld.

First team to leave is Toolbag, who interview that, while they're happy they're leading in the Race, it's all about the ladies. Can you seriously imagine how these guys will act if they win a million dollars? For the safety of the world, let's make sure that doesn't happen. We've all had enough of Moscow, and so teams are told to fly to Palermo, Italy; though, as we'll see, pronunciation is optional. Eric and Jeremy hustle to the airport, do their typical "hit on anything with two X chromosomes" thing, and then stand in line to await the open of business so they can buy their tickets. They are soon joined at the airport by BJ and Tyler, who engage them in some genuinely funny wheelchair racing (as opposed to Racing), and not much later than that by the Michelle Ocean. While the Fatuous Four goof around in the airport lobby, Lake and Michelle make their way to the nearest computer terminal to book their tickets, showing the kind of ingenuity that they couldn't when stopping to make a phone call reservation on the first leg of the Race when they clearly weren't allowed. BJ and Tyler soon find the terminals, I think on a mission to do nothing but bug their fellow Racers, and...did you know hippies used computers? Better than Lake and Michelle, apparently, because they soon book the last tickets on the flight.

( Cut: How Fran and Barry came to a better understanding of their own physical abilities... )

Welcome to Munich, Germany. Know for beer, brats, and box office blusters (sorry, Spielberg), this is perhaps the cultural capital of Germany. Which is like saying the food capital of Italy...there is no single city. More importantly, Munich was the third pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld.

We were left with a "cliffhanger" last week, with Eric and Jer...I mean, Team Toolbag, reaching the mat in Moscow only to be told by Phil that the leg was not over and they were still Racing. Their clue tells them to fly to Munich. Leaving the mat, the boys do their own version of appreciating the scenery, noting that Red Square would have been a nice place to hold hands with the Danielles. Funny, I was thinking more like no girl, just you two, Tienanmen Square, and the tank rolling right over you. My bad, dawgs. Michelle and Ocean are seconds behind Toolbag, and she appropriately wows that none of her friends ever had the chance to run across Red Square. I enjoy how more people seem to be understanding this season that the Race is a rare opportunity to see the world, not just a competition for a million dollars. If I lost in the first leg of the Race, but got to see Rio de Janeiro, I'd be appreciative, because I'd never otherwise go to Rio.

( LOST...The Amazing Race Version...under the cut )

Welcome to Moscow, Russia. No longer a bastion of communism, at least not formally, the city has transformed from a place where people wait in perpetual breadlines to a place where American television can come to film reality shows. Was this the third pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld? We'll just have to wait and see.

The third leg of the race began in Brotas, Brazil, where bohemian best buds BJ and Tyler departed first en route to a zip line obstacle that was neither Detour nor Roadblock, rather, probably just something to bunch teams together a little bit before making them fly 7,000 miles, because the zip line farm didn't open until 7 a.m., by which point three teams had caught up to the hippies. And that was a really long sentence. Nobody has much problem with the zip line, save for, of course, BJ and Tyler, whose sole purpose in the race is to prove that they're wacky. They shout "Banzai!" and "Moo Cow!" as they zip, where I would have recommended the truly wacky "Twenty-three skidoo!" Because that's the difference between forced wackiness and true whimsy. Cut your hair, hippies.

( Intimidating Soup Music of Death, Part II, after the cut )

Welcome to Brotas, Brazil. Located only a stone's throw from Sao Paolo, the most populous city in the Southern Hemisphere, but light years away in terms of hustle and bustle, Brotas is a destination for ecotourists (not ecoterrorists) around the world. Full of rich forests and scenic rivers and waterfalls, Brotas was the second pit stop....in a racearoundtheworld.

Teams departed Sao Paolo in the order they arrived, natch, but, judging by Phil's suspicious announcement only that toolbags Eric and Jeremy were first to arrive makes me think that the mandatory rest period wasn't the usual 12 hours. But let's not get into that, because it doesn't quite matter. Teams were given $23 for this leg of the race, which pretty much says right away that they won't be going far. But as long as it isn't from New York to Philly, I can deal with some intra-country travel.

( Old people climbing waterfalls and a review of the inappropriate touching rule below the cut. )

Welcome to Sao (or San, depending on which Racer you ask) Paolo, Brazil. Founded by the Jesuits (which immediately endeared me to it) in the sixteenth century, it is now the largest city in Brazil, thanks in large part to coffee exports fueling the growth of immigration and industrialization. Kind of like how coffee fuels American business, but without the addictiveness of the caffeine. This sprawling South American metropolis was the first pit stop...in a racearoundtheworld. And we can be assured about that, because Phil, like, emphasized the "world" part to assure anyone who sat through last year's geography lesson (no, really, it ended with having to put a map together) that this would be the real Race.

The Race began in Denver, Colorado, more specifically the Red Rocks amphitheater. Anyone who is familiar with U2's Under a Blood Red Sky, the Dave Matthews Band's Live at Red Rocks, or any other of a multitude of live rock albums is pretty much pumped at this point in the show. As teams are driven to the concert venue, we meet them, and almost all of them tell you that they hope they're underestimated. (For more on the teams, see my post from last night.) The teams gather in the stands, and all-powerful Phil stands towering a few rows above them.

( Yadda yadda yadda, brains, brawn, teamwork...yadda yadda yadda, one million dollars....aaaand go! )

Eleven teams, five continents, eight eliminations...this is the Race we love.

It's no big secret that I'm a big fan of The Amazing Race. I got involved with the show in its sixth "season," throughly enjoyed the Rob and Amber fiasco in TAR 7, watched the seasons I missed on the Game Show Network, and even braved last season, with its ten teams of four family members. That's right, I lived through the Bible Belt Weaver era. And if you've made it through TAR: Family Edition, you're pretty much a fan for life. That's pretty much all I'll say about last season, save for some passing jokes. But no hard recaps. I promise...more or less.

Anyway, last season I started an office pool on who would win the Race (for the record, the Linz siblings were one of my choices, woohoo), and before each episode aired, I sent an e-mail to the participants, recapping the previous week's episode. People seemed to like them, and since I have no pool to speak of this season, I thought I'd share the recapping fun with all the rest of my dear readers.

The first episode of a Race is always hard to recap, mainly because it's two hours long and all eleven teams are still in it. Believe me, when that number goes down to ten, it seems like you know everyone a whole lot better. Tonight, I'll take care of the first hour of the show and introduce you to the teams. Tomorrow afternoon (I promise; the new episode airs tomorrow night), I'll take care of the actual action. The teams, in order of introduction (to my recollection), are after the jump.
( Meet the Racers )